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THE 100 WORST COVER SONGS
#65 "You Really Got Me" by Sanjaya Malakar
Sanjaya does the impossible and sings this song worse than David
Lee Roth. I thought his Idol run was funny enough, but he butchered the art of
singing worse than William Hung could have ever hoped to do.
When PCD sings about tainted love, you can't help but think it's
about VD.
This whole album sucks so bad, it's hard to pick just one.
CLICK HERE to see the Amazon song samples and hear for yourself. Not
particularly funny or ironic, just a horrible to listen to waste of time.
No...Tiny...not at all!
I'll admit that Elton John's original version is pretty damn
silly when you picture him getting ready for a night of drinking and fighting
with a switchblade, but the inherent silliness of it, and of course the musical
execution still makes it a pretty fun listen. Nickleback goes into full pose
mode, however, as they take it a bit too seriously and try to make it a genuine
kickass anthem. Somehow, I think Elton could still take them in a street fight.
#60 "Downtown" Mrs. Miller
I first found out about the uncanny talents of Mrs. Eva Miller
when I was poking through the fantastic website Frank's Vinyl Museum. You may
have never heard of her before, but you'll never get her lovely voice out of
your head once you do.
CLICK HERE for
a nice write up and a couple tunes from this legendary album.
#58 "You're So Vain" by Jack Klugman and Tony Randall
Here's another treasure I came across at Frank's Vinyl
Museum. Neither funny, or good to listen to, someone in TV LAND has
earned a permanent spot in hell for deciding that people wanted to
hear Jack Klugman and Tony Randall sing songs, IN CHARACTER.
CLICK
HERE and listen to the madness yourself..
Hey! Let's take a shitty Bryan Adams song and find a
way to make it even shittier!
You know you really suck when Smash Mouth does a better job with
cover songs than you do. This was on the soundtrack for Disney's Sky High which
contains an album full of the absolutley worst teenbopper covers of 80s hits
from bands like The Smiths. If you like that "singing through your nose" style,
I suppose you might like Bowling for Soup, otherwise...YIKES!
No Doubt goes the crappy remake of crappy 80s songs route with
this ridiculously bad take on the Talk Talk song. At least she looks pretty hot
in the video when she's going to jail. Gwen Stefani's whiny singing style
doesn't suit this tune at all.
Another one of those "Switch the Gender" cover songs that just
doesn't work out. The Pointer Sisters nailed it right the first time. Why on
earth Conway Twitty, of all people, thought he should give this a try is a
mystery that still plagues mankind (and my ears).
Not quite as much a cover song as much as an outright swipe of a
classic and repackaging it as something just new enough to fool the stupid kids
who listen to it and never heard of JJ FAD in the first place. Shameless.
#52 "When You Wish Upon A Star" by Gene Simmons
retroCRUSH reader Mark Poutenis writes, "Well, see, the song I'm
nominating conflicts me, because it was so bad and scarred me so deeply when I
first heard it when I plopped the needle on the disc when I bought this album in
1978, yet I still listen to it constantly to this very day. In fact, it's on my
playlist on my computer and nary a week goes by without me hearing it. It gets
points because of it's sheer awfulness. It gets points for being totally
sincere. It gets points for being absolutely impeccable, lushly orchestrated and
perfect with the sole exception of the singer. It gets huge points for being so
out of character and out of left field, yet in retrospect, it makes perfect
sense. Yes, I am referring to Gene Simmons' loving rendition of Disney's When
You Wish Upon A Star from his 1978 solo album. Listen and try not to laugh. It's
a masterpiece." CLICK HERE TO HEAR A SAMPLE.
#51 "The Tide Is High" by Atomic Kitten
This reggae themed hit from Blondie wasn't one of their best
tunes, but it's a good easy listening hit that is always pleasing to the ears.
Atomic Kitten just destroys it, however. Right off the bat they steal the guitar
intro from Madonna's "Don't Tell Me" and try to pass off as the unique
ingredient they're adding to it. They can't sing that well, and really don't
look much hotter than the girls that are still at the clubs at 1:45, so I just
don't get the appeal.
Wing, who was made famous with an animated version of herself
appearing on a South Park episode. She's for real and has a website where you
can buy her fantastic renditions of AC/DC tunes like "Highway to Hell" and other
classics. My favorite is her version of The Carpenters "Close To You" which is
butchered so badly, it should be hanging upside down behind a window full of
headless chickens. This is just painful, as the video above captures. Not only
is her voice like thousands of nails on a background, but she can't even stay in
time with the music. An all time great bad cover, for sure.
#49 "More Than This" by 10,000 Maniacs
Sometimes a band does pretty well when they're lead singer
leaves. Genesis got along just fine without Peter Gabriel, and even Van Halen
was successful without David Lee Roth. But when 10,000 Maniacs lost Natalie
Merchant, they should have just joined a commune and took a vow of silence.
Swapping Merchant with Mary Ramsey is like losing Al Pacino in your movie and
getting Screech to take his place. Seeing all of the people holding these great
instruments in the video with the only audible music being this stupid techno
beat is pretty odd, too.
I suppose it's poetic justice that for all the songs Rod Stewart
is fucked up, that Paris Hilton wrecks this hit. I guess all those years of
sucking on video gave her the experience to do the same in the recording studio.
These over the top pompous synthesizer versions of Christmas
classics that make trailer trash think they're being high brow are just fucking
horrible. It blows my mind that there's people who have spent thousands of
dollars making Christmas light displays that are synchronize to this musical
diarrhea. What better way to celebrate the birth of Christ than pound out
holiday hits that sound like the keyboardist of Asia lost all of his fingers in
a meat grinder?
I mostly don't like this song because I imagine that Lisa Marie
Presley's dirty laundry probably smells like Michael Jackson and Nicolas Cage.
#45 "Another Brick in the Wall" by Korn
You know, Pink Floyd seemed smart enough to say, "We don't need
no education" with some authority, Korn...not so much.
Take a short kickass song by The White Stripes, change the gender
of the lyrics, slow the beat down to a crawl, and add an extra minute of shitty
white girl blues scatting and you've got this brain-numbing waste of time. Shame
on Joss for not capitalizing on the uber hot potential of leaving the lyrics as
"Fell in love with a GIRL!"
It's bad enough that they're covering the Tiffany version of the
Beatle's classic, but seeing a 12 year old Stacy Ferguson (yes...it's THAT Stacy
Ferguson) singing about a boy who was "Just 17" and how he'll never dance with
anyone else is just creepy. For an even bigger laugh, check out this video of a
9 year old Stacy with Mr. T in the 1984
"Be Somebody or Be
Somebody's Fool" video.
#42 "Mississippi Queen" by Sam Kinison
Sam was a brilliant comedian by anyone's measure, but his singing
was self-indulgent barely listenable crap. At least his video for "Wild Thing"
had Jessica Hahn shaking her boobs about, but all we get in his video for this
song is Sam dressed up as Sinhead O'Connor.
CLICK HERE and witness the madness yourself.
What a disappointing follow-up song to the brilliant and
eternally catchy "Crazy". All the genius they showed in that tune gets thrown
out the window in this "hurry and and record it with no enthusiasm" cover.
retroCRUSH reader Lance Miller agrees, writing, "As you pointed out so well
in your "100 Greatest Cover Songs" there are many fine examples of artists
giving a modern spin or adding something brand new when they cover a famous
song. Here is an example of an artist who brings nothing to the table and adds
absolutely nothing new to their cover. Because of this, I felt as though my time
had been wasted the first time I heard it. It's doubly disappointing because his
first hit, "Crazy" was so darn good."
The only reason anyone tolerated the Genesis original was those
awesome Spitting Image puppets in their MTV video. Take that away and there's
just no reason to listen to it. Though I'll admit the Todd McFarlane art in this
video is pretty cool.
#39 "Don't Fear The Reaper" by Heaven 17
A reader suggested Big Country's cover of this song, but sadly I
was unable to find it. Luckily, I stumbled on a version by Heaven 17 which is
equally horrific. CLICK HERE for a listen.
#38 "Baby I Love Your Way/Freebird" by Will To Power
Will To Power gets credit for being able to fuck up 2 classics in
the same song with this insipid medley.
CLICK HERE
and listen for yourself.
Somehow the meaning of this song gets totally lost when Ugly Kid
Joe sings it. I can only imagine the dad staying away from his son simply
because he's such a shitty singer and can't stand to be around him.
UB40's watered down Wonder Bread version of reggae gets old
pretty quick, and even this duet with Chrissie Hynde can't save it. How hard is
it to sing better than Sonny Bono, anyway?
You can't help but wonder if Lindsay even knows what this song is
about (tribute to John Lennon). She probably just thought it was cool to record
when she was 17, herself. The sound is so beyond her ability to sing well it's
ridiculous. I wish she'd spend less time singing, and focus on her real talents,
throwing up and showing off her nasty beaver to paparazzi.
#34 "Helter Skelter" by U2
I don't mind their cover of this song too much, but the intro
"This is a song Charles Manson stole from The Beatles, and we're here to steal
it back" makes the whole thing unbelievably pretentious. Yet another example of
a cover that inexplicably changes the pronouns of the original, swapping, "When
I get to the bottom I go back" to "When YOU get to the bottom YOU go..." Word
has it that if Charles Manson is ever paroled, he plans to steal it the song
from U2. What THEN, Bono? WHAT THEN?
#33 "Smells Like Teen Spirit" by Tori Amos
Nah...smells like shit fermenting in an old can of tuna.
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