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STEPHANIE MILLER TALKS

I had the pleasure of interviewing Stephanie Miller, who's one of the most entertaining talk show hosts in America today. Call her progressive, liberal, or even "Mama", above all she's just plain funny, thanks to her acting and stand up comedy background. Stephanie recently got a tryout gig to have her show simulcast in place of the recently canceled Don Imus program on MSNBC. She found time to squeeze us between her TV news cramming to talk about current events, and transgender conservatives.

So what brands of boxed wine do you recommend?

You know what, that's a ruse. I'm too picky for boxed wine.

Ahhhh...the real Stephanie Miller here.

Yeah, I'm a chardonnay and a pinot noir girl.

Why are female progressive hosts so vivacious and happy looking and the conservative ones so mannish and skeletal?

Because A) they need a sandwich and B) they're on the wrong side of the issues.

Well who do you think would win in a fight between you and Ann Coulter?

If I didn't get jabbed with a shoulder bone or an adam's apple I think I would pull that one out.

Now you've met Sean Hannity before, right?

We have an odd friendship in fact. We email each other from time to time. He just sent me condolences on my doggy passing away. I hate to humanize right wingers, as you know. I hate to let on that they have any sort of soul. But it's an odd little friendship we have.

 
Check out the end of this clip where Stephanie calls Hannity a "Satanic hunk of stud meat"!

Is what you see on TV from him 100% real or is some of that a put on?

It can't possibly be, from what I know of him personally. Oddly, and this might be a chick thing, he's quite charming in person. From what I know of him personally, he's kind of a nice guy. So it is odd that what he does on television I find really repulsive. Sometimes every now and then he'll email or call me during Hannity & Colmes so it's like Poltergeist. It's like a character from lightning world coming out of the television at me, which is as terrifying as you can imagine.

Now between McCain, Romney, Guiliani, and maybe even Fred Thompson, do you have any of those that you secretly hope gets the Republican nomination as far as comedy potential goes?

You know, I was just thinking that today because...the best thing politically for our country in my opinion? Barack Obama. There's no comedy there. I think Guiliani is the best comedy. If you want someone just as nasty and divisive as George Bush you ain't seen nothing yet, 'til you elect Guiliani. Between all his business ties with Kerik...between him dressing in drag, that would be a funny presidency.

You know you're just dying for the anti-Guiliani commercials to feature that footage if he actually gets that far.

It'd be different if it were once or twice as a joke, like a lot of guys have done. He dresses in drag more than Ann Coulter. And if you think about that, that's really quite stunning. It's a thing with him. How's that gonna play down south, is what I'm curious about?

Well among that bunch there, and you've obviously been following this for quite sometime, how did John McCain turn into what he is today. He went from this real maverick, tell it like it is guy, you know "The Straight Talk Express" to pure crazy in 2 years. What's the source of that?

The Straight Talk Express has blown an axel and is doing doughnuts in the parking lot. He's just become the least principled, biggest flip-flopper on the right side. I've been saying on the air lately, "Is he trying to tank his presidential campaign?" Who embraces this escalation? And then he came out right after the Virginia Tech shootings and said, "I don't believe in no gun control at all!"

Right, then you get his great "Bomb Iran" song on top of that.

If you want "Bush 2", this is it. If you want someone who thinks death and war is funny, and is completely reckless with diplomacy...it really is stunning. He doesn't get it that people are a little sensitive about that, and he's like, "Oh, lighten up! Why that not funny, bombing Iran?" You're right, John McCain in particular...didn't he used to have some beliefs that he stuck to? It really is stunning.

He clearly just wants to just be President at all costs.

Like torture. Is there an issue that should be more of a guiding principle with him? He was fine with the administration signing statements, he knows they're not abiding by it.

Sorry, I sucked the funny out of that!

Yeah, I want to kill myself now.

Sorry.  Jeez!

There's rumors that Gore many still announce his candidacy.

He's a teasing little slut, isn't he?

I interviewed him last year, and that's just that magic question that you won't get out of him. No matter how dead you think that is, there's still new rumblings about it. Do you think that's just a sign that people just really want him in that job?

You know we speculated today about Gore/Obama. People fantasize about that, which addresses the experience issue, and you know, Obama's next. I've talked to right wing friends that are like "if Gore gets in, he wins the election". When you look at 70% of the American people are against this war, and against this administration. In this country, it's like "progressive" is the new "mainstream". We're not some little niche...most people care about global warming. When you look at every issue, it falls under the Democrats.

You've probably heard me talk about how my dad ran with Goldwater in 1964. It isn't their party anymore. They (Republicans) were fiscal conservatives, shouldn't get involved in foreign entanglements, the government should stay out of people's lives. This Republican party is the opposite of what Goldwater and my dad stood for. Barry Goldwater was pro choice, and pro gay rights.

It's not even that long ago in the scheme of things, either. It's wild how quick that changes.

With all of these Democratic candidates, I mean you may have 4 strong candidates coming into the primary season. And you mentioned how likeable Gore and Obama particularly are. On the other hand, why is it that Hillary is so polarizing?

You know, I don't know. It's interesting. I told a story on the air that...on vacation over the holidays...I had dinner with a couple from...Florida, somewhere middle of the road...the woman, who was not mean spirited, not right wing or anything, said, "I just don't like her." That's the hardest thing to surmount. I don't why. I don't know if it's because the right wing has had so long to demonize her. Let's face it, she doesn't have Bill (Clinton) or Obama's charisma speaking ability. I don't know.

It's funny because it seems that her support among women is among the most venomous of the hatred against her.

Oh please, Robert. Welcome to the party! Are you kidding? There's no such thing as sisterhood. We're the most vicious about each other of anybody.

You're all just a bunch of catty bitches! (laughs)

Believe me. Would I want to see a woman become President in my lifetime? Absolutely! I can't help it that I am just inspired by Barack Obama. I remember when I was in a hotel room in New York watching his speech at the Democratic Convention, I stopped breathing. I thought (gasps) this is the first black President in America.

And you know, maybe it's misplaced. We've just been through so much with the Bush administration that we want to believe in our leaders again, so badly. We so want to believe like people believed in JFK. I hear the talking points from both places that he doesn't have enough experience, then I'm like "I dunno...Abraham Lincoln! He was a congressman for two years." I know we're going back a long way, but you know?

I think we're just so hungry for leadership. We always play that drop from The American President, do you remember that with Michael J. Fox and Michael Douglas?

Yeah, the Rob Reiner movie.

It says that people want leadership and the absence of leadership they'll listen to anyone that steps up to the microphone. It's like the leadership they're so hungry for, they'll drink the sand. They don't drink the sand because they're thirsty, they drink the sand because they don't know the difference. You can't tell me, no matter what you believe politically, that you don't see the difference between when Barack Obama speaks and when George Bush speaks. Is George inspirational to anybody when he speaks? "We're making progress in Iraq" for the 500th time right after 200 people die?

I get that Americans are good hearted. They want to believe in their President. We're all patriotic. But how could anyone at this point believe in this President?

Now when you were a stand up comedian, did you have any memorable experiences with a heckler?

(laughs) My most memorable one was my best friend, Paul. He walked onstage and he hadn't even said anything yet, and someone yelled, "SHAVE YOUR NECK!" And that's bad. Right away you're not going to get anywhere with an audience that thinks you have a hairy neck.

Especially you, that would be really scary!

Honestly I think I still get it with right wing callers. They call with literally, I mean do they just transcribe it when Rush says it or are they on an e-mail list? Do they get the talking points? "Harry Reid should resign...bla bla bla bla bla bla bla!" (laughs)

Hey, to kind of close things out, I was looking and saw that you were in one of my favorite '80s horror movies, Happy Birthday To Me.

You know, Robert, not to impugn the investigative skills of retroCRUSH but I do not believe I was in that. That is listed in error in my IMDB profile.

Oh, you were not the hot nurse in that movie?

I was not, or any other type of nurse. I was a nurse in General Hospital in which I had one line.

Ahhh, what was that line? Do you still remember it?

Yes, "Here's the files!" Thank you very much! That's it. That was my entire performance.

Wow, I kind of felt tingly when you said that.

I know. I went to acting school for quite sometime for that. But that's the one thing, unless I've killed entirely too many brain cells with the boxed wine, I was not in Happy Birthday To Me. I'm going to stand by that story.

Well, I might have to rent that DVD just to be sure, but I'll trust you for now.

You bring it on, brother, bring it on.

Well thanks so much, I love your show, and you're doing a great job, and keep on fighting the good fight.

You, too!

You can listen to Stephanie Miller weekdays from 9AM-12PM Eastern Standard time on radio stations all over America. You can also listen to commercial free podcasts of her show at www.stephaniemiller.com. Visit her site for stations that carry her show near you, and to get more details about her swell new MSNBC show.

-Robert Berry
rberry@retrocrush.com